Was the game intended to be played that way? Hell no. You have to treat it like a speed runner, and just try to cruise through it as fast as possible. Because you can't treat FD like a real game. Until I realized that I was playing it wrong. And I was having a miserable time with it. So, if I've made the game sound pretty bad up until this point, that's because it is pretty bad. Trust me, you're better off just bypassing everything that isn't directly in front of you. And you know the sort of game that loves to tuck items and bonuses into every nook and cranny of the level, but the high risk of going after any of them, coupled with the complete lack of any reward to actually getting any of them means you're better off ignoring all of them? This is one of those games. It even got to the point where I couldn't tell if I was starting a new level or being forced to replay an old one. The level layouts are also horrible for the most part, with the same objects and scenery reused ad nauseum. Getting the dog to jump, attack, or do anything, is a mess, as different animations seem to trigger for no discernible reason. The controls take some extreme getting used to because they initially seem completely unresponsive, if not downright broken. It's no exaggeration to say this is a ten minute game once you know what you're doing, and maybe 45 minutes before then. Don't try to process any of that, or your brain will melt.Īnyway, the Family Dog video game for Super Nintendo can basically be summarized as an episode of the show where the dog is harassed by the son for awhile, then gets sent to the pound for it, immediately escapes, and then runs home. The only truly interesting, and bewildering, thing about the whole project was the list of huge names attached to the production credits Steven Spielberg, Tim Burton, and Brad Bird, among others. And remember that this was the era where everyone was trying to cash in on the success of The Simpsons, so concepts as horrible as this were not uncommon (ie Fish Police). But everything about it was so pointless and nihilistic, with characters so deeply unlikable, that I don't know where they even could have taken things. Now, to be fair most shows take at least one season to hit any sort of a stride, and FD was cancelled well before that mark. Episode two is so bad that I'm not even going to try and explain it. Things only get worse as the plot transitions into a nonsensical dog show number. Except no one on the writing staff remembered to write any actual jokes into the script. For instance, episode one begins as an extended dog abuse gag. I'm not sure if they were going for a tone of dark comedy, melancholy, or an unflattering commentary of the (then) current state of suburban America. As in, I'm not even sure if it was supposed to be a sitcom or a drama, and I'm not joking. And while I found the animation to be rather good, especially for the era, the plotlines are extremely slow-paced, and the humor almost nonexistent. I only know this because I forced myself to watch a few episodes on Youtube in the name of research for this review. The gist of the television series is that the family dog (I don't know if he has a name) encounters a number of "wacky" adventures while being abused by the horrible suburban family that took him in. I don't know how that's possible, it just is. The offender this time is Family Dog, based on a syndicated prime-time television show that no one remembers, adapted into a Super Nintendo game that even fewer people remember. Yet another licensed platformer? We'll run out of them eventually (I hope).
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